soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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