The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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