We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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