Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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