i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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