non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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