dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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