oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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