"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
