from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
