Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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