I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
