Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize