I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
