Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
