he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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