My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm always down for nudity.
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