So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
