Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
