Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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