mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like eating out sand paper
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
