her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
