i barfeds in our rink
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Randomize
