The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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