Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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