Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
