Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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