Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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