The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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