Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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