I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
