Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
