I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
