Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
