Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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