clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
