her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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