I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
