yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The air was thick with penises
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize