I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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