last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
