The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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