I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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