____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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