I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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