you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
