Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
