i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
