the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
