The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize