I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
