i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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