How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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