***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found your dick twin last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
