Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
