totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
