He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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