apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
