So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
