Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
