go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Someone shit on the floor
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
