if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
