We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
