Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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