the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
