Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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