Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.

Fav 86 3638 964
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(954): View more from Florida

a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube

Fav 4 1296 3106
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(330): View more from Ohio

would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.

Fav 27 2360 6114
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(785): View more from Kansas

Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?

Fav 4 1776 1028
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed

Fav 9 849 2469
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(515): View more from Iowa

They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.

Fav 2 1423 665
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(805): View more from California

not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone

Fav 1 959 502
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(210): View more from Texas

So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...

Fav 0 19 34
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(732): View more from New Jersey

What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.

Fav 0 70 3
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