how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
