My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
