You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
