I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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