that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
