i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize