he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
