It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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