im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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