the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
