Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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