if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
