cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
