do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
