Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize