You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
