for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
