If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
