The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
