the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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