omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
