oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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