I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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