my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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