nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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