What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
