Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
