who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
