i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize