i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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