I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
