oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
